Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Lazy Lazy Lazy

February ? And here it's almost October.... good gods!
Let's see what has happened.... I'm still unemployed, still searching for the bird that would make his nest on my limbs (that's sounds kinda Horror film like) I'm desperately addicted to making chainmaille and did a few art shows here and there through the summer.

I think a rewind is necessary.

Currently I am single... there are two that are always in my watchful eye, I swear both of them want their cake and the ability to eat it too. My past history with men has not changed. I always find the ones that burn out of the feelings for companionship and only want it when they want it.

I am a stickler for anonymity so I'll call one the good boy and the other the lost boy.

I see the lost boy on a regular basis. We've gone to one BDSM event in South Western Michigan, and had a blast. I'm far to easy on him than normal. Probably because I care deeply for him. My first mistake. I have the uncanny ability to let men who are lazy subs walk all over me. Call a spade a spade, I am a wuss when I care about them. Lost boy needs me. He doesn't know just how much yet. I'm not sure if I'm willing to give him everything only to be in the same boat I was with Brian, only to get hurt again.

The good boy isn't always good, he is selective in his communication. This drives me INSANE. I have no inhibitions with the good boy. Yet I still cut him slack. I am nothing yet consistantly disappointing myself in that regard.

Sometimes I think in this sea of pine and oak and birch I live in (literally) I am alone.. the lone willow that weeps for herself and others. Not necessarily in that order. I want so desperately to be the one someone wants and needs that I will do anything, say anything to get that response. How unhealthy is that?

The snow will fall soon, my branches will be bare and exposed, much like they are now. I'm contemplating delving into my writing again, as I tend not to have this need while the weather is warm and the sun shines long hours of the day.

Old friends keep cropping up. (Hi Shaari, welcome to the willow grove. You'll get used to my symbolism and gothic nature to my rants)

And new old friends remain. I love you Wendy, without you, my life would be darker and even moonlight could not find me.

More after this weekend; last artshow of the season... maybe... maybe one more in October.

1 comment:

J3 and his slut Wendy said...

I am always herer for you...I will be your flashlight when you need me. luv you sister from another Mister!